Lynn Cheney, speaking on MSNBC today, revealed a long hidden fact: her husband Dick and Barack Obama are distant cousins: one eighth to be exact! Mrs. Cheney says they have tried to keep this from the press but an anonymous source in the White House leaked the story.

     For her part, she said that they had not had relations with Kevin Bacon even though Dick looks more like he then Barack Obama.

     Obama replied that only Mrs. Cheney would find this remarkable. "Doesn't she know that we are all only six (6) steps away from Kevin Bacon? Do the math girl. That means at most we would be one 12th cousins! One eighth is nothing."

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President Speaks in Africanized Killer Bee Carrying Avian Flu Country: Coto de Caza
     President Bush, in anticipation of the 6th anniversary of the Twin Towers catastrophe in New York on September 11th, 2001, denied all intelligence about the war in Iraq. Speaking at a Republican fund raiser in Coto de Caza, California, Bush said that while he did make the decision to go into Iraq, he was not involved in the planning or conduct of the war. This astounding acknowledgment of the true role he played in the war making process seems to contradict the positions of many of his deputies.

How to Pick a Country to Invade Bush Style
     "I know nothing about the war. No siree Bob! Look, [Secretary] Cheney came to me in October of 2001 and asked me to pick a country to invade in Messopotamia and I chose Iraq." Explaining his choice of countries, Bush had this to say, "He showed me a map that had two Muslim countries spelled nearly the same, Iran and Iraq. I figured there was some redundancy in the United Nations so I chose Iraq. What's the big deal? I'm the deciderer not the intelligencer. I don't make intelligence, I deciderer. You see when I decide, I decider. That's the way it is. The buck stops here. I am the deciderer!"

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Posted by Ralph Williams at 9:19 AM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

Cheney in the Closet
     Dick Cheney, the US Vice-President, has been found alive and unharmed. Virtually disappearing from sight after his recent shooting incident with the former Governor of Texas and then his brush with Federal prosecutors over Scooter Libby, Cheney was found stashed away onboard Air Force One in a water closet. He is now out of the restroom.

Feared for Life
     "What did you expect? That I'd be out in the open where that Governor or Libby can shoot me. I already shot Libby. I shot that Governor, what's his name, in the face. I am a dead duck if either of them finds me. I'm sure a hit man is after me," said Cheney explaining his hiding in the restroom.

Traveling with President, Proselytizing
     Cheney, traveling with the President while the President tries to rekindle America's love affair with Cheney's war, has been virtually unseen in recent months. Rumors that he was dead or buried in Grant's tomb or in a concrete building cornerstone were routinely pooh-poohed by the White House. "He's alive and well and planning our next war I can assure you," said White House spokesperson and former Foxx news anchor Tawny Snow.

Posted by Ralph Williams at 4:52 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

Mistakes Libby For Grizzly
    Vice President Dick Cheney shot I. "Scooter" Libby moments after he left the Helen Keller Federal Courthouse where he was found guilty on 4 of 5 counts of lying and obstruction of justice in the Valerie Plame affair. Cheney was immediately rushed to George Washington Hospital in the fashionable Foggy Bottom area in Washington, D.C. where he underwent extensive, preventative emergency testing.
Cheney Has Multiple Medical Problems
    Cheney, a former smoker and long obese, suffers from multiple medical and psychiatric problems related to these disorders. He has severe multi-vessel coronary artery disease and has had several coronary artery bypass operations as well as stenting procedures. He also suffers from congestive heart failure and cardiac rhythm disturbances and has an automatic implantable cardiac defibrillator (AICD). Most recently, he had a recurrent attack of his thrombophlebitis, a potentially life threatening condition in which blood clots form in the legs and threaten to travel to the lungs where they can kill the patient. This occurred shortly after the Afghan Taliban rebels attempted to kill the Vice President with bombs.

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Posted by Ralph Williams at 7:36 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)