Aliens Deny Getting Messages From Bush or CIA
     Alien spokesperson Rod Serling vociferously denied charges yesterday that they were receiving coded messages from the Whitehouse and the Catholic Intelligence Agency (CIA) via Walk/Don't Walk signs scattererd across the country. Mr. Serling was speaking at a Star Trek convention in Tampa Beach, Florida,
    He genuinely appeared surprised at the charges and said that they were preposterous. He said that the Bush administration and the Catholic Intelligence Agency were the last two groups Aliens would turn to for "intelligence". "After all," he said, "look at what a fuck up they made of Iraq and the Missing Children of Biafra. I mean invading the wrong country and then outsourcing intelligence to a 'faith based organization'. You call that intelligence?" he added.

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Posted by Ralph Williams at 12:52 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

Scientists Discover Hidden Messages
    Just two weeks after the administration introduced it's "Teach America Math Program" to the citizenry, angry scientists accused the government of using the program to send coded messages to alien spies.
    In a pronouncement immediately denounced by the Whitehouse as pure fiction, the scientists said that they have unequivocal proof that recent shortfalls in CIA recruitment of agents  have been met with recruitment of space aliens. They charge that the CIA has used the newly introduced  "Teach America Math Program" to send messages to its newest agents who, like many Americans and the President, can not read.

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Posted by Ralph Williams at 9:05 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

    Admitting that he can not read, President Bush released the national intelligence report (NIE) and asked all Americans to read it and report back to him. According to Whitehouse spokesperson Tawny Snow, a former Fox newscaster, Bush has never been able to read. Instead, he relies on those around him to read key documents and give him a capsule summary.

Didn’t Read Bin Forgotten Report
    For example, Bush was unable to read the intelligence report warning of pending attacks using airplanes by Osama Bin Forgotten prior to 9/11 according to Snow. He has been unable to read reports by the Central Intelligence Agency (CIA), the National Spy Agency (NSA) and the phones companies who have not been spying on Americans.

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Posted by Ralph Williams at 12:31 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

    General Hayden, after speaking at his Senate confirmation hearings today, revealed for the first time, exclusively to FOXX, that the massive NSA wiretap and listening program on Americans is largely a failure. Hayden said the program, designed to watch all telephone and internet traffic has proved problematic when it comes to languages.

Blockbuster Testimony
   In testimony before the Senate Hayden acknowledged that the program developed while he was at the NSA can not distinguish between spanish and the english spoken in some parts of the United States. "Quite frankly, when we're listening in on conversations from some parts of the South we can't tell what the hell they're saying. It could be Greek for all we know. We've also got problems with 'spanglish', mexican, eubonics, and what I call 'American'. Hell we tapped Bush's phone and the computer thought he was speaking nonsense that's how bad it is," he added.

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Posted by Ralph Williams at 10:42 AM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)