In response to the looming threat from avian flu carrying killer bees from Mexico, President Bush signed into law the Coto de Caza Protection Act of 2006. The bill would protect Coto de Caza from attack and could include such remedies as increasing the height of the now 12 foot fence along the Mexican American border to a height such that the bees could not fly over it. President Bush denied that it was an attempt to "one up" Mexico and it's recently announced 30 foot fence.

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    "This is a disaster just waiting to happen," said Frank Parsimony of the Infectious Disease Center at the Center for Disease  Control in Atlanta. "This is our worst nightmare," he continued. "Now the bird flu can infect millions of Americans while they play in their backyards, picnic or sleep. The killer will lurk everywhere. We'll have  to close brothels, bars, night clubs, fundamentalist churches. I mean the very fabric of American life is at risk.

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     The Mexican government today announced the start of  construction of a fence extending from Tijuana to Jaurez along the border between Mexico and the United States. The fence, 30 feet high, is in response to the United States' border fence that is 12 feet high.

     "We can't be outdone by our neighbor to the north," Rojas y Gleisis. "If their going to put up a 12 foot Craftsman style wall, we'll just build a 30 foot Wallmart wall," he continued. "Besides, their wall is not really a wall. It's pock marked by tunnels, cut chain link, broken barb wire and graffiti. It is a sieve. The people of Mexico want and deserve better protection against the illegal immigration of Americans across the border."

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     No sooner had construction begun on the US-Mexican Border Wall than home prices on the Mexican side of the border went through the roof. Miguel Rodriguez, a narcotics trafficker explains. "You see, the Americans built this wall to keep us out. But really it has created one of the largest walled communities in the world. We've never had gated communities like the do in Coto de Caza." Only the border communities in Israeli-Palestinian region are larger.

      Mexican real estate agents point with pride to the high security around the communities that keep American immigrants from illegally crossing the border and buying property. Su Casa, one of the largest realtors in Mexico has seen sale prices rise 125% since construction began 5 months ago.

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     In the largest mass migration in history, over 2.6 million Mexicans crossed the border today carrying chickens, children, backpacks and Mexican flags. Some were driving modified 1962 Chevrolet Impalas decorated with dingle balls, moon wheels, air shocks, subflooring florescent lighting, chrome tailpipes and cholo detectors.

     The event, an annual one sponsored by Taco Bell, drew its largest crowd in 5 years. Altogether, over 20 million Mexicans have crossed over into California in these events held each May 1st. Taco Bell offered free tacos to the first 3 million to reach downtown LA.

     The "Run for the Border" ad campaign by Taco Bell has drawn increasing criticism from public health officials. "This is a bad nutrition message to give to new migrants. It tells them that after a long run they should eat Taco Bell. No one should ever eat Taco Bell 'food'. Look what they have for a mascot -- a chiquaqua for God's sake!", said Dr. Ralph Bones of the LA Department of Health. Taco Bell immediately denied using dog meat in its tacos.

Continued below the ads... 

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Reuters, Copyright 2006. All rights reserved.

   In a further setback to the government's efforts to stem the tide of illegal immigrants, the Chinese ambassador Wen He Dung said that Chinese firms will not bid on the massive construction project on the Mexico US border. The administration was hopeful that one or more Chinese firms would bid on a project that US firms including Haliburden had passed over.

Clearly A Setback
   "This is clearly a setback" said presidential spokeperson Tawny Snow at the morning press briefing. "They insisted on construction of a railroad and planting of eucalyptus trees. Obviously we can't grow eucalyptus trees in the desert," added Snow. "Apparently they remember the last time they were involved in a big US construction project and wanted the same working conditions." Eucalyptus trees were planted in California by the Southern Pacific Railroad in an attempt to have a cheap source of railroad ties. "Now, you can buy them at Wall Mart," said Snow.

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Reuters, Copyright 2006. All rights reserved.

    In another setback to the administration, a senior greeter at Wall Mart said today that company had no intention in becoming involved in the effort to prevent illegal immigration. Administration officials had hoped that Wall Mart would build the world's largest store on the border between Mexico and the United States as a barrier to entry.

Credit to Bill Maher
    The idea, credited to HBO's Bill Maher, involved Wall Mart constructing a store stretching form California all the way to Texas along the border. According to Maher, it would allow Mexicans to enter the store in the rear and work in the store in service jobs while Americans entered from the front and purchased cheap Chinese imports. "It would be like your typical Wall Mart," said Maher, "just maybe a little bigger." Maher thought it was one of his better ideas.

High Wall Mart Official Says No
   Instead, a high Wall Mart executive said that the giant retailer was dependent on the help to keep the prices on the Chinese goods low. "How do you think we offer low, low prices everyday? Certainly not by employing young Americans. We sometimes use folks from the South and seniors who don't know any better but that's about it. Besides, we just completed a large store on Alabama. We can't build another mega store that fast. There's no one willing to take the construction jobs except Mexicans."

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    Having done well in the "upfronts", FOXX quickly announced a new summer replacement for "American Idol" to go head-to-head with NBC's new show "America's Got Talent". The show is a loosely scripted reality show that follows a group of contractors as they set out in the southwestern desert of the United States to build a 370 miles fence along the Mexico-U.S. border without the help of Mexicans.

    "They say it can't be done," says Bob Villa, a long time resident of New England and head contractor, "but we're here to show people that Americans still know how to build things". The show, tenatively named "The Great Wall 2: Mexico" by FOXX executives stars the popular Villa along with Norm Abrahmson. They intend to build the wall in the Craftsmen style and the show will be solely sponsored by Sears.

    "We wanted to go with a younger crew like P. Diddy or Kanye West but they were unable to lay cinder block. It is hard to find qualified help in the U.S.," said a high FOXX official. "We realize that Villa and Abrahmson are old school but we needed some who can get the job done."

    FOXX executives repeatedly denied rumors that there were serious delays in getting the work started due to their not being enough Americans willing to take the low paying jobs. "That's not true at all. We're just having some trouble finding a starting place. The Federal government insists that this be a "Drug Free Workplace" and we are just having a hard time finding somewhere between California, Arizona, New Mexico and Texas that is free of drugs," he said. "This border area can't exactly be called a "Drug-Free" zone you know," he added.

The show was scheduled to start shooting in early May shortly after the House and Senate vote but has been delayed. FOXX is still hopeful that it will air this summer.

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