Bush Denies All Intelligence
President Speaks in Africanized Killer Bee Carrying Avian Flu Country: Coto de Caza
President Bush, in anticipation of the 6th anniversary of the Twin Towers catastrophe in New York on September 11th, 2001, denied all intelligence about the war in Iraq. Speaking at a Republican fund raiser in Coto de Caza, California, Bush said that while he did make the decision to go into Iraq, he was not involved in the planning or conduct of the war. This astounding acknowledgment of the true role he played in the war making process seems to contradict the positions of many of his deputies.
How to Pick a Country to Invade Bush Style
"I know nothing about the war. No siree Bob! Look, [Secretary] Cheney came to me in October of 2001 and asked me to pick a country to invade in Messopotamia and I chose Iraq." Explaining his choice of countries, Bush had this to say, "He showed me a map that had two Muslim countries spelled nearly the same, Iran and Iraq. I figured there was some redundancy in the United Nations so I chose Iraq. What's the big deal? I'm the deciderer not the intelligencer. I don't make intelligence, I deciderer. You see when I decide, I decider. That's the way it is. The buck stops here. I am the deciderer!"
First Time Bush Admits Mistake
Prior to this speech to the largely friendly audience, it was not clear
that Bush knew there was a difference between the two countries. In the
past, Bush had mistakenly visited Iran instead of Iraq looking to
congratulate the troops for doing an outstanding job in subduing Tehran. He has also admitted to not being able to read
leading many to speculate that the the close spelling of two names
confused him and that he invaded the wrong country. It is clear now
that he just lacked intelligence.
Snow Perplexed
"Look guys, I have no ideas either. I'm not saying that I, like the President, lacked
intelligence but, at the time, I didn't know what
I was talking about. Perle, Wolfowitz, Feith, Cheney and Rumsfeld and that gang kept
us all in the dark. Now I'm not saying they lacked intelligence, but we
lacked actionable intelligence.
Heck, not even Karl Rove had intelligence. I was perplexed," said Tawny
Snow, Presidential spokesperson and former Foxx news anchor. "And
please don't tell the president that I knew nothing because he'll just go
nucular."
Rumsfeld Disagrees
"That's just him talking to his base and playing politics. The Republicans need to get re-elected. In reality, nothing could be further from the truth. The Iraq group -- Perle, Feith, Wolfowitz, etc. -- planned this whole war out with Cheney. I can't believe Cheney didn't give the President intelligence."
Iraq Study Group Wanted a War...any Where
"The neo cons wanted a war and it didn't matter where.
So, we asked the President where we should go and he sad 'to hell'. So we
went to Iraq," said Rumsfeld. "I can't help it if he wants to say that
he had no intelligence or was clueless. That's his and Laura's, God love her,
problem not mine!"
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