Promises Rehab Announces New Membership Program
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Promises Offers Memberships
Promises, the exclusive and expensive Malibu drug rehabilitation center announced today that it is offering memberships to guests with frequent stays. “We think this is a great solution for some of our frequent fliers like Lindsay Lohan, Christian Slater, or Britney Spears,” said cruise director Melissa Francis.
Benefits for Frequent Flyers
“It offers a lot of benefits that are not available to less frequent users. We provide housing on a separate concierge floor, greeting basket with crack and cheese, hot tubs for two or more, reserved spaces poolside with good exposure to photographers, late afternoon tea with actual tea, free shuttle service from jail and guaranteed availability. Heck, we even reimburse clients for the phone call!” said Francis.
Lohan First to Use Service?
Some clients may need the service. Lindsay Lohan only made it 5 days after her last release before she checked into the Santa Monica Jail. However, that is not the apparent record. She was reportedly admonished by the staff during her last rehab stay for drinking and using cocaine on her 21st birthday. "We had a focus group the last time everybody was in and they came up with the perks. Britney really liked the guaranteed availability and Paris liked the free phone calls," said Francis.
Points Redeemable at Duty Free Shops?
"We considered a lot of options," added Francis. "We thought about a frequent flyer program with Northwestern Airlines, a points program good for redemption at duty free shops, and ferry rides from Stockholm to Finland. In the end we went with the membership program since the clients are used to it." Currently, Promises guests have a free membership at the Spectrum Sports Club in Malibu where they are allowed to work out with their personal trainers.
Fred Reportedly Plans New Diamond "Rehab" Bracelet
"We are not," Franc Li Ly Ng, public relations director for Fred, the exclusive Beverly Hills Jeweler said emphatically. "We are not. It would be in bad taste. We would never take advantage of some of our best customers," he added.
Reportedly, the bracelet mimics a cross between an alcohol monitor and a GPS device. It is made of platinum, is one inch across and features one hundred diamonds. It will cost ~$130K, the usual cost of a cruise at Promises in Malibu. Allegedly, Fred will label it under its Britney & Lindsay brand as the S & H CrossTrainer.
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