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Cheney in the Closet
     Dick Cheney, the US Vice-President, has been found alive and unharmed. Virtually disappearing from sight after his recent shooting incident with the former Governor of Texas and then his brush with Federal prosecutors over Scooter Libby, Cheney was found stashed away onboard Air Force One in a water closet. He is now out of the restroom.

Feared for Life
     "What did you expect? That I'd be out in the open where that Governor or Libby can shoot me. I already shot Libby. I shot that Governor, what's his name, in the face. I am a dead duck if either of them finds me. I'm sure a hit man is after me," said Cheney explaining his hiding in the restroom.

Traveling with President, Proselytizing
     Cheney, traveling with the President while the President tries to rekindle America's love affair with Cheney's war, has been virtually unseen in recent months. Rumors that he was dead or buried in Grant's tomb or in a concrete building cornerstone were routinely pooh-poohed by the White House. "He's alive and well and planning our next war I can assure you," said White House spokesperson and former Foxx news anchor Tawny Snow.