Bush Plans Secret War in Iraq
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Secret White House Task Force Formed
George W. Bush, acting as Commander in Chief of the US Armed Forces, launched a secret advisory task force in the White House tasked with developing a battle plan for the invasion of Iraq.
Tawny Snow, the former Foxx news anchor and current Presidential spokesperson, denied the existence of the task force or any plans for an invasion of Iraq. "We've been through this before and there's just no credible evidence to suggest that the rumor is true," he unequivocally stated.
Bush's Not Too Secret Plan. A Mistake?
Rumors of plans for an invasion of Iraq have dogged the administration as far back as December, 2006 when numerous blog sites, including this one, reported on Bush's secret plan. At the time, it was thought that he had mistaken Iraq for Iran, a close by Muslim country.
Iraq or Iran?
At the time, Snow said that while it was possible, he could neither deny nor confirm the President's apparent confusion. "He had anesthesia for his colonoscopy several months ago and there maybe some lingering after effects," he said apologetically. "It's hard to tell when's he's confused or just normal like."
Snow "Clears" Up the Confusion Over Battle Plans
When pressed for clarification of his previous denial, Snow had this to say: "When I say there's no credible evidence, it means just that. There's no one left here with any credibility who has presented any evidence or said anything about the existence of such a task force. Now that doesn't mean that one does or doesn't exist, it's just that it's a rumor and we don't engage in rumors. We only talk about facts or evidence and I haven't seen any. Is that clear?"
Bush Strikes Out at Opponents of Iraq War
As usual, for his part, the President only seemed to add to the confusion. Speaking this week at the Charleston Air Force Base, Bush tried to emphatically lay out the case for an invasion. "There are those that will tell you that Al Queda in Iraq is not part of the global war on terror. Do not be fooled by the devil. When I say that they are part of Iran, I mean Al Queda, they're part of Al Queda. It's just that simple. You see, when I say something, I mean it. That is why we are respecturated around the world. If I say it, I mean it. It's just that simple. And I said it so I mean it. Next question."
Brainfleas presents the following recording of Bush's speech in Charleston verbatim to help clear things up.
Bush Clears Up the Confusion Over Al Queda in Iraq
"As far as I'm concerned, they're the same. That's why I invaded Iraq. It says Al Queda and it says Iraq; how simple can you get? I mean if someone is going to tell you where they are hiding then you're going to go looking for them there. It's like hunting. [Laughing] Ask Dick Cheney. You're not going to go to Texas and not bag an ex-Governor or two."
Al Queda in Iraq is Part of Global War on Terror
[Laughing] Look some on Capitol Hill will have you believe that Al Zawahiri or Al Zarqawi or whatever is just a nice guy bringing meals on wheels to old ladies that are shut ins. Nothing can be further from the truth. He is bad. He's worse than Bruce Willis. God I loved that film. I mean he's bad and bad people are bad. And we have to deal with them and we have to do it on their territory. We don't want bad men owning 7-eleven stores in America like Awpuu."
"So we've got to fight them there. In Afghanistan where they are hiding. And in Pakistan. That's why Iraq is so important. It is the domino you know. Like Vietnam. Everybody remembers Vietnam? Well it fell and then we had boat people. So we need to fight them in Iraq so we don't get boat people. If Iraq falls, so will Vietnam."
Boat People and The Secret War Plan
Bush was asked by Sergeant First Class Akshun Jakson if the President had a secret plan to invade Iraq. In a partially lucid moment Bush answered, "Of course, of course I do. When the time comes we're going to invade Iraq. I'm making no secret about it. You see, there's badness in there that needs to be routed out. You can't just let badness fester. It get's like a boil. So I'm going to go and invade Iraq. To get rid of the boil on Iraq."
"And we'll bring democracy to the people of Iraq. You see, no one wants to talk about it but the people of Iraq want democracy. And I'm going to free the people and give them democracy. Now Al Queda may not want democracy, and Iraq may not want peace and democracy but we do. So I'm going to invade them. For our peace and democracy. That's why I said it. And I meant it. I keep my word.
"Ya see Sam [Donaldson, ABC reporter], I'm not like you. I can't go and say something and then not do it. We don't want boat people. So I said it. It is factual now. If I want the nuns to help, we'll get the nuns to help."
Snow Denies Presidents Knowledge
Snow had this to say. "Look. What can I say? He probably meant to say that there is no credible evidence of a secret task force drawing up a battle plan to invade Iraq. Maybe they're meeting in the open. Maybe or maybe not. I just can't conclude because when the President says so that it is credible. We always check the veracity of our sources in the White House. You see, we can't be part of rumors. And until now, it is just a rumor."
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