Bush Descended From Great Ape; Blow to Darwinism
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Scientists today provided unequivocal evidence from multiple sources demonstrating that George W. Bush was indeed descended from the Great Ape.
Previous studies of his brain had disputed such a conclusion. Speaking on behalf of a world wide research team, Dr. August P. Von Stuepnagel said that Bush's brain, although pea sized, is shaped like the Great Ape's. "There is no doubt about it. We are sorry to say but he, like all the rest of us, is descended from the Great Apes.
Blow to Darwinism
This is an astounding blow to Darwin's theory of evolution. Darwin held that descendants would be superior in some aspect to their fore father's thereby giving them a survival advantage. "To find a specimen such as Bush this far along the evolutionary chain who is so clearly defective calls Darwin's theory into doubt, "said Stuepnagel.
Christians Hail Findings as Validation of Creationism
Around the world, fundamentalist Christians hailed the findings. "See, we told you that God could create anything he wanted at anytime. Whether it's the great flood and Noah, or it's George Bush, God has a hand in it," said the Right Reverend Author Dan Coulter. "Yeah, it must be some kind of a joke, a cruel joke indeed, if God was his creator." said Stuepnagel in retort.
MR Used to Compare Brains
Scientists used a relatively new machine to compare George Bush's brain to that of the prototypical Great Ape. The MR relies on magnetic waves to "see" the brain. "We wished we could have used a newer technique, functional MR imaging, but for that you need to have a brain that functions normally," said Stuepnagel. "Nonetheless the brains appear to be mirror images of each other. We're pretty confident of our findings."
Findings May Apply to All Republicans
Stuepnagel speculated that the team's findings may not be so extraordinary. "We would love to look at a cross section of the brains of Republican voters. It may be that they are all look like this and Bush is just one example of this syndrome. It might also 
explain how he was elected twice to the Presidency," he said. "We are also looking for some evidence that he has displayed ape like behavior aside for going to war in the wrong country."
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