Paris Is Burning
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New York, New York
Confusing Los Angeles with New York City, Paris Hilton tried to check into the Twin Towers last evening only to discover they had been destroyed by terrorists. "This is unbelievable! It's just a big hole in the ground. I mean, where am I supposed to sleep?"
Hilton, the heiress grand daughter of Baron Hilton, apparently is blonde. "She was instructed to present herself at 6:00PM PST to the Twin Towers Central Booking Center at the LA County Correctional Facility. Instead she went to New York and presented herself to the by now sacred Twin Towers Site!" said LA County Sheriff's spokesperson Fe Male O'Bese. "We are seeking her extradition back to California where she will need to serve out her term in full."
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Special Treatment
Hilton's sentence has been the subject of much controversy ever since it was handed down by Judge Harry Hands. She was initially sentenced to 21 days in jail but Ms. Hilton argued that the meant she only had to serve 21 "days" and not "nights". She petitioned the court saying that "no one wants to see me in the daytime. I mean, I'm usually not up by then. Anyway, I do my best work at night!"
One Day and 21 Nights?
The judge acquiesced sentencing Hilton to one day and 21 nights in jail. "This is much better. It gives me time to do my hair and get undressed. I can play around with Lindsay and Britney now that they're out. Besides, the guards at night are cuter. If I'm going to spend nights in jail I'm might as well look my best, try not to loss my lingual skills, and keep close company with my jailers so that I get attacked by strangers," said Hilton. "She is blonde," said LA County Sheriff's spokesperson Fe Male O'Bese.
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