Paris Breaks Out
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Acne, Impetigo, or Scrofula?
Scared prison officials immediately released famed inmate Paris Hilton from jail to her parent's house after she developed a lesion on her lip overnight. Officially she is "reassigned" to house arrest, is required to wear a tracking ankle bracelet and is not to leave more than 3000 feet from her parent's posh Beverly Hills mansion.
Prison officials were alerted to the medical development by her famed attorney. She was whisked away from solitary detention where she was no risk to other inmates late last evening under the cover of darkness to home.
In an exclusive to Foxx News, it was learned that prison officials were most worried that she may have developed acne. This is a condition most commonly seen in adolescents. However, doctors contacted by Foxx suggested that given her recent behavior she may be at high risk for a break out.
Alternatively she could have developed the far more rare and dangerous conditions of impetigo or scrofula. The former is caused by streptococcus and the later is caused by tuberculosis.
Prison officials discounted the likelihood that she has developed herpes as she has only had contact with prison guards and other inmates. They point out that she was served "in-n-out" last night for dinner, protein style, all beef with a chocolate shake and whipped cream. This carries no risk of herpes. She was also given crabs the other day by a guard to replace her crabs that she left at home but nothing else.
Bracelet Not Undergoing Testing
Prison officials also discounted widespread rumors that the bracelet Paris Hilton is wearing is a new model and is undergoing testing. "We can categorically deny that the bracelet is new or experimental. It is same one that is issued to all other prisoners on parole. The suggestion that it is somehow being testing in the upright position is an urban legend. We've already tested that effect on Mss. Lohan and Spears," said Fe Male O'Bese.
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