LPGA Mandates 'Sexier' Clothing
The Ladies Professional Golf Association (LPGA), long considered a 
bastion for lesbian and bisexual (L&B) women, mandated today the wearing of 'sexier' clothing by its members. No longer will fatigues, baggy tee shirts, gang attire, culottes, shorts past the knees and V-neck tee shirts be allowed.
"We we're losing our target TV demographic, said LPGA President and current Senator Hiliary Deverish. "The only people watching were butch and we can't have that. It's not a big enough audience. We need to get the lipstick lesbians as well. We need to look like professional women that you would see on the streets of any major city in the US."
This event, an out growth of the Dinah Shore LPGA Tournament, draws thousands of 'non-breeders' to the Palm Springs area each Spring for a bacchanalian festival. Recent events have rivaled the Coachella festival in size. Hotels, bars, and strip clubs are routinely sold out years in advance. "It's a real hoot," says recent participant Frank Libertine. "I've been out since high school and I love it!" she said.
"We need to discourage this association with the LPGA tour. I mean there's nothing wrong with it but there's also nothing right with it either," added Dervish. "It's sort of left but the butches usually vote right. We're getting lot's of flack from the religious right about this behavior and we need to change our image. The new clothing regulations are a step in that direction."
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Roberta King, the highly regarded pitcher for the St. Louis Beehives admitted today that she is not a lesbian. Long assumed to be just "one of the girls" who play competitive women's softball, King said she could no longer conceal her sexuality.
