A Drugged Out Bitch and a Demented Dead Person Lost in Fucking Wonderland
What's wrong with you?
What's wrong with me? You're the dead person here.
I mean you're always so mean.
Can we just get the fuck out of here? Oh my god! LiLo! Oh my god! What are you doing here?
I came to get some drugs but got lost. Look how small you are. Me? Look at you.
Who's the old bag here?
She's Meredith Grey's mom.
Isn't she dead, like?
Yeah but like, I found her in this room trying to call on a phone that doesn't work. Isn't that weird?
Hey, where's Steve-O?
He's waiting outside if I can ever find the door again. Do you think I look to small?
Like yes. You look like you've been doing the crystal all month.
No I mean did we get short?
Everything's weird like Alice's if ya know.
Hey would you girls mind helping me find my daughter so we can get out of here?
Isn't she like in a coma or something on a breathing machine?
Yeah like that'll help Maybe she can whisper something to us or write it down, some directions or something.
She's in a coma for God's sake!
Well you two go your way and I'll just...hey look. What's that door?
Where?
That one.
The one with the light under it?
Its got a name on it but I can't read it. House. It says something 'House'. That's all I can read.
Hey do you think House works here? I think he's sexy.
I'll bet he's better in bed than Kevin. Yeah Kevin just kinda sucked if ya know what I mean.
I bet House is better.
Look you two. I am old, not dead, contrary to that show. Go open that door and see if Meredith is in there.
God. What a bitch. No wonder Meredith went on a respirator. Anything to get out of her hair. We should probably tell Meredith that Mom's dead so its okay for her to play house again with Dr. McSteamy or whatever.
Shit. It is House's office. I can't believe this. Look over there.
There a light under that closet door. Let's go open it.
LiLo you detective you. You go girl.
Fuck. It's Anna Nicole. God let's get out of here.
She's gonna fall! Oh my god. Look at her!
She looks like a whale. And she's been cut. Cut good. Ikes!
She's awake!
Whadya think? House was just gonna do me dead? Put me in a closet over night? Your weird.
Ew'wee it's Britney and LiLo. Who else is here? Mommy? Kevin? JLo? Steve-O?
No but he's outside in the car. Hey let's get out of here. This is too weird. I need to get some more coke.
I've got some in my room.
Hey I thought you were here in rehab.
No I'm in here on exhaustion. I'm not in here in rehab. But don't tell anyone. If anyone finds out I'm in here for 'exhaustion' my career is over. Rehab is cool just not 'exhaustion'. k?
Well let's get out of here.
Hey where do you think you're going without us? I know where Meredith is.
Who cares?
She's in a coma on a respirator.
No she's not. She's being drugged just like all the rest of us by House. He's trying to kill us so he doesn't have any competition on television by doctors. Don't you see, that's why he's killing us. Except he really loves me. We're going to get married in the Bahamas and when I die I want to get buried in...
Shut up let's go. Where is she?
Third door down. Plus 44. Fiddy cent.
Where the fuck is she? ICU on the right. Push the plate on the wall.
Oh my God Meredith are you okay?
Yes Mom. The show only makes me wear the respirator and be in a coma during daylight hours. I'm kinda like a werewolf or something. I can't be outside during sunlight or I turn into an ugly toad. I couldn't stand it. Turning into something ugly would be worse than being...well like being Anna Nicole over there.
Oh. that's okay Meredith. I understand.
Would you two shut up. Where's the exit?
Oh, oh, well you just go out those doors you just came in, turn right and go out the double glass doors.
Oh my god the sun's coming up. Quick everyone, back to bed,
Come on LiLo, let's go.
I'm coming too You ever looked at yourself? Your disgusting. Start using crystal. It's like Slim Fast.
If you're going to keep insulting me, I'm just going to stay in the closet with House.
Hey Britney, I need some crystal. I've got plenty of coke.
I've a ton right here in this baggie.
How'd you ever get that into rehab? I told you, I'm not in for rehab, I'm in for 'exhaustion'. The staff thinks I'm in 'exhaustion' and the reporters think I'm in 'rehab'.
Aren't the doors locked? Not when you're in 'exhaustion'.
Hi Steve-O.