Roger Van Winkle Says President Lied
President Lied About Yellow Cake and Meeting in Switzerland Roger Van Winkle, one of the most sonerous somnabulators on the planet, weighed in with his opinion last evening after awakening from a protracted slumber in Kansas saying that he believes that President Bush deliberately lied to the American public in the lead up to the war in Iraq. In addition to being a world record holder in somnabulation, Van Winkle is the second ranking Democrat in the Senate behind Byrd (D) of West Virginia.
Calling Hoes a Hoe
"I think there's been too much pussy footing around the issue here. It's time to call a spade a spade and a hoe a hoe. I realize that I've been out of it for the better part of four years, but in retrospect, it is pretty clear. Iraq was not going to buy yellow cake from Niger and the Iraqi government did not meet with Al Queda in Switzerland as the President asserted in his State of the Union address of January, 2003 and the President knew this at that time. Those two facts make his actions a lie. He was not misleading. He was not the victim of some bad intelligence. He was lying, plain and simple and for that action, he should be pilloried," Van Winkle said.
Calling Hoes a Hoe
"I think there's been too much pussy footing around the issue here. It's time to call a spade a spade and a hoe a hoe. I realize that I've been out of it for the better part of four years, but in retrospect, it is pretty clear. Iraq was not going to buy yellow cake from Niger and the Iraqi government did not meet with Al Queda in Switzerland as the President asserted in his State of the Union address of January, 2003 and the President knew this at that time. Those two facts make his actions a lie. He was not misleading. He was not the victim of some bad intelligence. He was lying, plain and simple and for that action, he should be pilloried," Van Winkle said.
"Why should we listen to the kook? The only guy in the Senate who's more asleep at the wheel then him is Senator Byrd. At least everyone knows not to show up at any press conference he gives. Who the heck went to Rip Van Winkle's by mistake? Uh, oh. I'm sorry, Roger Van Winkle. What else did he blather on about this time? Noisy electric motors on Prius' to help the blind not get run over? Sheese. Please!" said Sean Hannity.
Powell Lied About Mobile Weapons Labs and Processing Tubes
Continuing his blistering attack on the pre-war build up, Van Winkle said that "Powell carried the administration's water when he lied before the UN Security Council in March 2003 alleging that the US had incontrovertible proof of the existence of mobile weapons labs (courtesy of a discredited German informant known as Curveball) that could make enormous amounts of biological weapons at the drop of a hat. In addition, Iraq had purchased weapons grade aluminum tubing that could only be used for centrifuges and processing of nuclear fuel. This was asserted years after this assertion had been made by others, disputed and demonstrated to be erroneous by two different US spy agencies. The shear audacity of the Bush administration to ask a man of color to lie for them in a public setting established a new low in American politics. Carrying your water? How about carrying my ass?" he asked he queried a suddenly stunned crowd.
Hannity Asks for Rebuke of Van Winkle
"This is outrageous. To speak of our beloved and respected President in such terms. He has defended us, taken us to war against our emenies the tearists, helped us fight hard over there so we don't have fight them over here and now these turn coats like Van Winkle want to ridicule the office, don't want to support the troops and want to make fun of the President. I tell you it's disgusting. That's what it is," said Hannity. "I think he should be censured. That's what should happen."
More Clarity and Less Politik
For his part, Van Winkle, ever at the wink and a nod, says "there'll be much more clear and direct speech from here on out. No more misled, victim, confused, etc. When someone lies, we're going to say, so and so lied, period, amen, no ifs, ands, or buts."
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