Stanozolol Found in Raid of Convent
    In an early morning raid of an apartment on the out skirts of Mogadishu, rival factions of tribes from the nuns of Dover Cliffs and Perpetual Motion looted clothing, toiletries, liquor, drugs, drug paraphenalia and reportedly large caches of the illegal steroid stanozolol. Sister Allah Fatah of the Sisters of Athena denounced the accusation and said that the apartment was a house of prostitution that the nuns were trying to rehabilitate.
Just a Misunderstanding
    "Many of the nuns having been working side by side with the girls so that they can better understand what it is like to work for such wages. In addition, they are trying to discover what it is like to live in a drug induced state for hours on end and to dress in enticing clothing for men.  This is often mistaken for prostitution but it is actually under cover work," Fatah said. "They have to keep their strength up so they take stanozolol. This in no way had an influence on our recent victory on the Horns of Africa." she added.

Continues below the ads...

Lies, Liars and Damned OTB
    Meanwhile, in Cheshire by the Sea north of Dublin, MI6 broke up a large underground waging ring worth 1.6 bil pounds (UK) annual that was handling internet wagering on the outcome of the Horn of Africa conflict. According to Constable Constance Lee Early, there is evidence that the ring may have been supplying stanozolol to the contestants in an attempt to influence the outcome. "We're looking into it. Some of the teams looked more like men than Ryan Seacrest for God's sake," she said.

Copyright Paradocs Productions 2007. All Rights Reserved.

Posted by Ralph Williams at 12:43 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

Drops Out After Only Two Months On Friday, February 23rd, the First Presidential contender for the 2008 race dropped out of the crowed Democratic field field. This leaves only seven left in the race. Barack Obama, currently the hottest of the candidates, immediately wished him well. "I will miss him. We had a lot of fun sharing a bus together, telling jokes to each other, sharing campaign intelligence and laughing at the faux pas of the other candidates. We grew very close oveer the last two months. I will really miss his humor" he said sadly. Clinton Moves Into Second Place Probably the candidate that benefits the most from his decision to exit the race is Hilary Clinton. Although a formidable campaigner one on one, she has had a rough time delivering her message in bulk despite her regional strength based on her husband's exposure as the Arkansas governor. "Although I will miss him and his humor, I don't think it will play a significant role long term. He had some local strength based on his Iowa roots bit I don't think that would have translated to New Hampshire and beyond."

There's More. Click here. "Someone Drops Out of 2008 Race for President" »

Posted by Ralph Williams at 6:26 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

Daughter in tow, Britney enters the glass double doors of the Grey Hospital I'm not going there. Oh, yes you are. I am not. Yes you are! Stop being a brat! Now get in here now! I not going in there. Yes you are. I'm going to leave. I don't care what you do. You're going in there now! Now get in there or I'll kick your ass in there. Don't use that language on me. Then get your ass in there. Mom, please. You had your chance, get in there. Please? Get in there. Hello Ms. Spears How are you today? Fuck you. Did you how trouble getting here? Didn't you hear me the first time? I said fuck you! Welcome to Grey Hospital. We hope stay is a productive one. Here is your room. The TV is over there. It has digital cable and gets over 250 channels. The bed is the uses the patented Sleep Comfort System and our food is prepared by the reknowned chef Stefan Sartan. What the fuck do I care? I'm leaving tomorrow. Well, we hope you'll stay longer. If we can do anything for you, we will be at the nurses station. You can ring us with this buzzer. Dr. Kinder will be right in to do our intake. I can hardly wait. Mom get out of here. ... What's that? Where am I? Huh? God. What the fuck is going on? Am I seeing things? No. no that's the wall. But that looks too small. What's happening to me? Oh shit. I hit my head. God. What's happening to me. Look, I've shrunk! Who is that? I recognize her. Oh it's that old lady from that TV show. Oh, what the fuck's the name...oh yeh Desperate Partners...no, no, Housewives...no, no, Grey...yeah, yeah..that's it...Grey's House...why's she on the phone? who's she talking to? she's dead! she's old, old and dead! Hey you. You at the door. Help me. Please. Oh don't run away. Help me please. Please. Please come back... ... ...

There's More. Click here. "Britney Involved in Massive Cover Up" »

Posted by Ralph Williams at 6:25 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

President Lied About Yellow Cake and Meeting in Switzerland
    Roger Van Winkle, one of the most sonerous somnabulators on the planet, weighed in with his opinion last evening after awakening from a protracted slumber in Kansas saying that he believes that President Bush deliberately lied to the American public in the lead up to the war in Iraq.

There's More. Click here. "Roger Van Winkle Says President Lied" »

Posted by Ralph Williams at 8:50 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

Conquest Belies Name
    Stunning the otherwise staid world of the noviciate, the Greek Orthodox nuns, led by Sister Allah Fatah of the Sisters of Athena, raced across the infertile and barren dessert sand of vegase to Mogadishu, pillaged, and plundered the town from the rear and then, in a tour d'force, surmounted the flailing body of the Islamic forces, entering one last time from the rear in a final insult, thrusting open the very tender glutei and disemboweling it. The results were horrific to imagine even for the most seasoned of soldiers.
Let No Doubt Behind
    "I wanted no doubt left behind that my girls were every bit as much men as they fought, though heavy a heart, charged light a foot as a brigade up the bowels of the enemy, took him from behind as it were, and left him used and wasted, justed as men do unto others," said the vociferous and bellicose Sister Fatah. "We, the Greek nuns, the Orthodox Church's Best have shown ourselves worthy of heaving today. We butted heads with the nuns from Dover Shores and found them wanting. We clashed with the cavalry and artillery of the Sisters of Perpetual Motion and stopped them cold. We beat the Muslims until they were black. I tell you, we've got hair on our chest, voices like Shrek, and muscles like Barry Bonds. We've got game. Let's see what ya' got!" she yelled at the gathering. The Roman Catholics had previously filed a protest over the use of AC140 Wart Hogs by the US Government, the use of Ethiopian troops, the use of anabolics by the Greeks and other violations in the Riskiest part of the conquest. According to the rules of War, you are only able to use artillery, cavalry, infantry, cards and dice to play. It is very Risky.

There's More. Click here. "Greek Nuns Use Unorthodox Rear Approach to Surmount Muslims in Somalia" »

Posted by Ralph Williams at 6:05 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)