Men Misled by Women Over Size of Big Screen TVs
Size Often Half as Big as Stated
The Federal Trade Commission and Consumer Reports in a joint news conference, carried live and exclusively on Fox TV today, warned the growing legions of women buying big screen TVs for their husband's for the "big game" not to dupe their mates about the size of the plasma and LCD TVs. Many are apparently telling men that they are buying the advertised TVs and not the smaller TVs that are actually being bought. "This is one giant game," said Dierdre Dickendork, President of the Junior Leagues of Virginia. "Forty-two is really twenty-one, sixty-five is really thirty-two, six is three, etcetera, etcetera, etcetera," she quiped. "It's the same old game again...date and switch. It's happened to me a millions times with men and I love it," said Dickendork. "For once, the shoe's on the other foot!"
Push Ups, Buns and Frozen Tundras
But for Lyddle Tykes, this is just more of the same. "Look, women have been duping men to get them to marry them for ages: push up bras, falsies, padded bras, false eye lashes, high heels, girdles, body stockings, panty hose, hair pieces, hair buns, hair weaves, even frozen vaginas. Now there buying 27 inch flat panels and telling us there 54 inchers. What's new? They're just lying to get us to have sex with them," he argued.
Objects Often Smaller Than in Mirrors
A more reserved Katherine Emmanuelle, head of the FTC, said that size wasn't really this issue at hand here, it was more the misrepresentation. "Look, we don't care if it's only a six inch one. If you advertise a foot it has to be a foot. You can't say it's a foot and then have it be a six incher. That's misrepresentation and a cause for action by men getting these things," she said. "I realize that women look at these things in the mirror and there may be some distortion at the time of purchase, but 54 inches does not become 27 inches. No way," she added.
Emmanuelle also said that women are selectively targeted at this time of year by the large TV chains. She said that they know that women generally feel inadequate regarding sports and the Superbowl is the grand daddy of all sports in the US. So women attempt to compensate by purchasing the largest TV they can afford to impress their intended mate. Some studies even show that some women will over compensate for their short comings by purchasing TVs that are larger than can reasonably fit in their home or that they can afford. This is called the Cathy Rigby Syndrome or Gifanticism.
Emmanuelle, not excusing women, and not denying that they would deliberately mislead men to get them to get them to have sex with them, said that part of the problem maybe be these deep seated feelings of inadequacy surrounding sports. "I like to call it the deep seated feelings of inadequacy surrounding sports syndrome," she continued.
FTC Launches Media Blitz and Task Force
To help head off post Superbowl hangovers in women, the FTC has launched a new advertising campaign "Know What When to Say When Means." It is hoped that this will help shed light on the subject that has befuddled researchers and beer drinkers for years. In addition, a new, large task force will be covering the US looking for evidence of size discrepancy syndrome or SUDS. Fines of up to $50 will be issued to defenders.
Copyright Paradocs Productions 2007. All Rights Reserved. |
Obama Not Hussein
Dover Shore Anglicans Take Lead
African Campaign Bolts Into High Gear
Top Secret Plan to be Revealed Wednesday Leaked Exclusively to Fox
Unsure What Protocol is for Hanging
