What Planet Are We On?
    "What planet do they think we're on? Jesus Christ. Look at this: thirty-two divided by three equals 10 with a remainder of zero? Since when? Huh? What are they smoking over there at 1600 Pennsylvania? Oh yeah, yeah. I forgot. This is the gang that didn't inhale or exhale. I guess that makes them full of hot air!," said Dr. August P. Von Stuepnagal inventor of Closed Captioning for the Web and head of the National Academy of Dental Carries.

Coded Messages in Numbers and Symbols
     The lead scientist of the group that discovered the messages, Susan Clair, said that often the message is in the symbols. For example, in the pictogram above, "most of us would stop when the number gets to zero and we see a red hand. But instead, here the symbol is blank telling the agent to become invisible. You see other traces of code elsewhere. For example, the alien agent is told to walk slowly at 32 second mark when he gets a red character but then walk faster at the 10 second mark with a green character. Then he supposed to stop at 3 seconds and finally hide at 0. This message is pretty easy to decipher. Others are much harder," she said.

Unlike Previous Alien Sightings
    This does not appear to be similar to other sightings in Roswell, New Mexico in the '50's and in Area 51 in Nevada of aliens that were widely discredited and led to derision within the scientific community of the individuals involved. The widespread scope, the frequency of the observations and the reputations of those involved have all leant credibility to the accusations. Nonetheless, the CIA and the administration continue to deny that this is a spy program.

The President Can't Do Math
     "This is not some big plot to send messages to alien spies," said Whitehouse spokesperson and former Fox News anchor Tawny Snow. "If we wanted to do that we'd have asked Dick Cheney's office to do it and none of us would know about it....believe you me. Nah, nah...this is just the President again. I guess as part of the no child left behind program he got out some of his old high school math books and gave 'em to 'em to use. They must'd copied some of his wrong answers. We all know he can't read. He's got that 'Y' problem. Now we all know he can't do math. Hell for all I know, maybe he can't do Laura," he added laughing.

CIA Denies Using Aliens to Meet Shortfall
     Meanwhile over at the CIA, the Agency steadfastly denied that it has been recruiting the newest of the new "foreign" agents from outer space in order to meet the shortage in career spies. "Nah, that's just goobledy gook. Who told you that?" asked the CIA spokesperson when pressed. "I'd like to get their name and speak with them. Aliens would make for terrifiv agents though and we have seriously considered it. But we were afraid that it would start an new space race. No, no. we wouldn't do that would we?" she asked.