Over Rules Top Advisors
     Brainfleas has learned today from secret sources close to the President that he plans to order within days an invasion of Iraq. This invasion comes over the advice of his most senior advisors who recommended that he invade the other country in the region spelled Iran not Iraq. Believing that the President has confused the two, they have been desperately calling for immediate top level meetings with the Dick Cheney and Her Rumpsfeld. However neither seem to be available.
"Hunting" in Maryland
    According to these same sources, both the Dick Cheney and Her Rumpsfeld are currently holed up "hunting" on Cheney's farm on Coastal Maryland shooting near dead and helpless birds and are unreachable. This leaves the Bush on his own.
Presidential Confusion over Iran and Iraq
    In the past he has confused the two countries landing in Iran when he tried to make a surprise trip to the troops. At the time, when asked about the President's apparent confusion between Iraq and Iran, Presidential spokesperson and Foxx anchorman Tawny Snow said "He is not confused. He always intended to invade Iran. It's just that things got lost in translation."

Continued below... 

Iraq Running Out of Soylent Green
    The President's decision also is more startling in that it comes at a time when Iraq is reportedly running out of supplies of soylent green. Iraq has already charged and the US has already denied that the US has invaded its country with over 130,000 troops and is conducting a war. To launch an invasion at this time would only seem to increase the casualty toll and increase the supply of soylent green thereby easing the foodstuff crisis currently facing the government. No such crisis is facing Iran further raising questions as to whether the Bush has his countries right.
Iran Developing Nucular Weapons
    According to other high level sources in the administration, Iran is continuing development of both nuclear and nucular weapons. The former can be used as weapons of mass destruction. The latter, as the Bush likes to discuss, can be used in biology experiments. The CIA has been directed to expend a countless amount of effort looking for and destroying the later because of the Bush's speech impediment. According to the IAEA, they have asked that any invasion of Iran be put off until the inspectors can do their work looking for and accounting for the former.

Posted by Ralph Williams at 9:24 PM | Permalink | Comments (1) | TrackBacks (0)

Turns to Alternative Methods of Manufacture
    The sovereign nation of Iraq has apparently run out of the basic world-wide food staple soylent green and has turned to alternative methods to generate precursor foodstuffs. Both US and international officials reported are becoming increasingly concerned that the government maybe deliberately fomenting sectarian and external agitation to simultaneously decrease demand and increase supply in a so called Swiftian solution. The government of Iraq vigorously denied the charges.
Iraq Claims It Is In A War Started By United States
     Prime Minister al-Maliki, speaking to reporters yesterday after he was snubbed by President Bush of the United States, claimed that contrary to prevailing western views his country was in the midst of an occupation by the United States and a Civil War started by outside terrorists. Sounding like an embattled and paranoid leader of a third world country, he claimed that his country was actually being occupied by over 130,000 United States troops and that they had virtually taken over his army."The US goes on every raid my army goes on watching what they do and reporting it to Washington. I'm telling you. We're an occupied country." he said. "The only thing I have left is Muktada al-Sadr's troops. What a rag tag outfit that is. Towel headed misfits, I tell you; Jesus Christ!" he continued.

There's More. Click here. "Iraq Runs Out of Soylent Green" »

Posted by Ralph Williams at 9:15 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)