November 2007

Sun Mon Tue Wed Thu Fri Sat
1 2 3
4 5 6 7 8 9 10
11 12 13 14 15 16 17
18 19 20 21 22 23 24
25 26 27 28 29 30

America's Watching

Subscribe via
Blogarithm

« October 2006 | Main | December 2006 »

November 19, 2006

Democrats Seize Power; Republicans Sent to Camps

Republicans Sent to Camps
 
Last Republican Hopes for Mid Term Survival Dashed -- Sent to Camps
    In a stuning repudiation of their governance and imperial behavior, the Republicans were handed their heads on a platter in a resounded defeat that was heard around the world -- from Phoenix to Tucson. Immediately, the remaining soldiers were rounded up and sent to camps such as Camp David where overflow conditions were noted.
    "We're just not staffed for these conditions," said Navy Rear Admiral John Chessmate. "Normally, we're a Presidential retreat. Sometimes we have advances here such as with Clinton but with Reagan and the Bushes, mostly retreats. We don't even have heating for all these people. I don't know what we are going to do," he continued.
    "Right now , we're making do with the fireplaces in the tents but that is not safe. We could use the old ovens from the bakery that was here but that will have to be discussed with the Democratic leadership and right now they're not say what to do with them. It is a real problem what to do with them all. We're just numbering and ID'ing them for now," he said.
 
Continued below... 

Ovens Left Over From Bakery
    Up until 1967, there was an Enteman's Bakery facility on the property. It had large ovens used for baking bread and bakery items. The facility served most of the mid-Atlantic region. During one Democratic controlled congressional session, the presence of the bakery on federal property was thought unseemly and it was asked to leave. However, the large ovens were left behind and intact. They have been maintained by the staff ever since for occassions such as this.

Ovens are Safe and Effective
    "We could fire up the ovens here at Camp David and pretty much take care of the problem we're having with the Republicans. We can't continue to let them use the fireplaces in the tents for much longer; that's a fire just waiting to happen. They'd all die. We also don't have campfires big enough to handle all of them; that's just not realistic. I think the ovens are the only way to safely handle such a mass of people. It's been used successfully before you know," he said.

Copyright Paradocs Productions 2007. All Rights Reserved.

November 19, 2006

Aliens Deny Getting Messages From Whitehouse or CIA

Digg This - Slashdot This

Aliens Laugh at BushAliens Deny Getting Messages From Bush or CIA
     Alien spokesperson Rod Serling vociferously denied charges yesterday that they were receiving coded messages from the Whitehouse and the Catholic Intelligence Agency (CIa) via Walk/Don't Walk signs scattererd across the country. Speaking at a Star Trek convention in Tampa Beach, Florida,
    Mr. Serling appeared surprised at the charges and said that they were preposterous. He said that the Bush administration and the Catholic Intelligence Agency were the last two groups Aliens would turn to for "intelligence". "After all," he said, "look at what a fuck up they made of Iraq and the Missing Children of Biafra. I mean invading the wrong country and then outsourcing intelligence to a 'faith based organization'. You call that intelligence?" he added.

There's More. Click here. "Aliens Deny Getting Messages From Whitehouse or CIA" »

November 18, 2006

Whitehouse Denies CIA Communicates With Alien Spies

Digg This - Slashdot This

CIA Sends Coded Messages to Alien Spies Scientists Discover Hidden Messages
 
   Just two weeks after the administration introduced it's "Teach America Math Program" to the citizenery, angry scientists accused the government of using the program to send coded messages to alien spies. In a pronouncement immediately denounced by the Whitehouse as pure fiction, the scientists said that they have unequivocal proof that recent shortfalls in CIA recruitment of agents  have been met with recruitment of space aliens. They charge that the CIA has used the newlt introduced  "Teach America Math Program" to send messages to its newest agents who, like many Americans and the President, can not read.

There's More. Click here. "Whitehouse Denies CIA Communicates With Alien Spies" »

November 14, 2006

Republicans Teach America Math

Digg This - Slashdot This

Republicans Teach AmericaNo Child Left Behind Is An Abject Failure
    Acknowledging that their "No Child Left Behind" program has been an abject failure, the Republican majority in Congress has taken it upon itself to teach millions of American's math.
    Rapidly passing legislation mandating new crossing walk signs, Congress instituted the program nearly overnight. Residents of the District of Columbia awoke to find crosswalk walk/don't walk signs with new flashing numbers.
    "We're hoping they will learn the number line as quickly as possible. After that, we'll move on to number series and then finite mathematics. There's no end to what you can learn while waiting for a street light to change," said Will Bennett, former Secretary of Re-Education and Urbane Development.

There's More. Click here. "Republicans Teach America Math" »

November 11, 2006

Hastert, Foley, Haggard Blow Jobs

Digg This - Slashdot This

Hastert, Haggard and Foley Blow JobsThrown Out for Obstruction
   In a stunning move reminiscent of the rock group Jesus and the Money Changers, House Majority Speaker Dennis Hastert (R-Ill) and Florida Congressman Mike Foley (R-Fl) were cast out of the house by the elders because of obstruction. According to FOXX under the cover sources, Congressman Foley had been advertising his official abilities on the pages of the Congressional Record books.

There's More. Click here. "Hastert, Foley, Haggard Blow Jobs" »

November 10, 2006

BrainFleas Revolutionizes the Web

Digg This - Slashdot This

BrainFleas Introduces "Closed Captioning"

    Always a leader in new technologies, BrainFleas now introduces Closed CaptioningTM for our impaired readers. This technology, widely available on television for many years for the hearing impaired, has been adapted for use on the web by scientists at BrainFleas Laboratories.
    Dr. August Von Stuepnagel leader of the team that developed the technology said that "this is a great advance in the useability of the web. Before closed captioning, our impaired readers were really left just sitting around ... well ...impaired. They just couldn't get it up. Now they can join with the rest of us around the globe enjoying the vissicitudes of reading sites like BrainFleas.com."
    Closed CaptioningTM works by taking ordinary text on the web and making it readable for impaired readers regardless of their impairment. This includes alcohol or drug use. College students, already rapid adaptors of new technologies are seen as obvious targets of this technology.

There's More. Click here. "BrainFleas Revolutionizes the Web" »