North Korea Attacks Squeamish
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In a daring late afternoon attack, North Korean scientists exploded what appeared to be an underground test of their newest bomb. The explosion was timed to result in the heinous deaths of numerous Squeamish children attending a one room school. The tremor and after shocks were felt as far away as the North Korean peninsula.
Damage Fortunately Limited to Civilians
Government officials immediately hailed the outcome of the attack as demonstrating the US' superior ability to limit damage only to civilians. A senior Whitehouse official speaking on the condition of animosity pointed out that no military personnel or equipment was damaged in the attack. "See, our deterence program is working. All those in Congress who said Starwars couldn't work were just plain wrong," he said. Squeamish officials were outraged.
North Korea Has Long Had Nuclear Weapons
North Korea has continually blustered about their possession of a nuclear weapon. Even former Secretary of State James Baker III reported on the 'Daily Show' that North Korea had a crude nuclear warhead when Reagan was in office. Still, Rice and other administration officials pooh-poohed the idea suggesting that it was a pigment of their invagination. Today's attack demonstrates once again how wrong this administration can get foreign policy. "America needs Democrats. They don't start wars, they don't let short people have big compensatory weapons and they don't create deficits. And they get blow jobs to boot!" said James Carvelle a Democratic strategist.
Squeamish People Horrified
The small, remote one room school provided schooling for 12 children. Six were absent without excuses at the time of the devastating attack. Shrapnel, that appeared to be bullets, were found in all 6 children and one adult male. He was apparently killed immediately from a single piece of shrapnel to the head. He was found with two guns, condoms, and KY jelly.
Luddites Threatened Squeamish with Technology
The entire community is visibly upset. "We never see anything like this," said Margaret Mary McGillicutty. "We assiduously avoid all weapons and shun all outsiders for just this reason. I suspect those Luddites have something to do with it. Ever since they brought DirectTV into the Mennonite community, things just haven't been the same," she said. "People just watch 'Desperate Housewives' and 'Dancing with the Stars'. No one wants to raise barns, have hoedowns, or go for buggy rides. We're losing our youth," she lamented. "I bet it was those Luddites. They're always threatening us with technology. Now look what they have done."
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