Controversial Figure
    Dumsfeld has long been a controversial figure in an increasingly controversial administration. Despite the whirlwind that surrounds him and his style of management, he has scored some major successes. He was largely the architect of the successful invasion of Iraq, the subjugation of its people by force and the instillation of a puppet government. He also led the initiative to eviscerate the Geneva convention and helped establish Guantanamo as the latest vacation hot spot for selected foreign tourists.
    But recent charges of fraud and lying may be his achilles heal. Anonymous administration sources revealed that Dumsfeld had been using military aircraft to make personal trips to Iraq under the cover that he was going to check on progress of the subjugation of the Iraqis and to boost morale of the troops stationed there. Indeed, during one trip, Dumsfeld garnered substantial support by defending his decision to "go to war with the troops you got not the troops you wish you had." This action was singularly responsible for the invention of the improvised explosive device or IED. While widely scorned and reviled in the world press as insensitive, the troops unanimously supported the Secretary.

Charges of Fraud and Lying
    The new charges of lying stem from information that his trips to Iraq were for plastic surgery on his nose. Reporters had noticed that there were often dramatic differences in the  size of his. Indeed, during the run up to the Iraq fiasco, his nose had increased to a estimated length of nearly six inches. Dumsfeld was even caught in a series of photos talking about the length of his nose. His repeated denials that he was having surgery to stop the growth was met with derision by Dumsfeld. "What do you think I am Pinochio or Michael Jackson?"

Clandestine Operations Done in Helluvaburden Hospitals
    In fact, it appears that the Secretary was using military aircraft to fly he and other adminitration officials to Iraq for the covert military operations. There they would have rhinoplasties performed by Michael Jackson's personal plastic surgeon in special hospitals built by Helluvaburden. Unfortunately the operations did not stop the nose growth and repeated operations were required. Only leaving the administration appears to make any difference according to informed sources.