God Fed Up with Republicans, Changes Parties
In an expletive loaded speech today at the annual meeting of the Hell's Angels, God angrily blamed Republicans for most of the world's woes. "These guys are really screwing up the planet. When I created them, I must have been on drunk with power or something. I mean the stuff they're doing is idiotic," he said.
The Hell's Angels annual meeting is normally closed to outsiders because of the security risk but for the first time a select number of presidential pool reporters including Foxx News were allowed to observe. The translation of celestial latin is provided by God's son Jesus.
No More Dirty Stuff in the Whitehouse
"Look, I put the republicans in charge 'cuz I was tired of hearing about Bill Clinton getting blow jobs under a desk. I told'em, 'Look focus on the big things -- premarital sex, drug use, abortions, under population, fish eating on friday -- you know.' But what did they do? Go start wars, create chaos, jack up the Federal deficit, don't tax just spend. It's ridiculous," he added.
God Sends Jesus and Changes Parties
"Well I've had enough of this bullsh*t. I am going to send my son Jesus down there to get Cheney, Rumsfeld and Delay inline. Next, I'm going to get America out of Iraq and give it back to the natives. I'm also going to block any craziness towards Iran and North Korea. Hell, those guys have enough problems just getting food let alone trying to take on the US. What a joke. Then I'm reinstituting the US Constitution and I don't mean the battleship. Finally, I'm changing parties. I'm going to be a Democrat. But if they can't win what with all this stuff going on, I might just change back," he emphasized.
Jesus, the Illegal Immigrant
"Oh yeah. And they'd better not deport my son just because of his name. Not everyone named Jesus is a gardener. Some are the son of God," he added.
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The Office of the Inspector General immediately demoted Ronald Dumsfeld to Director of the Office of Disinformation in the Pentagon following recent revelations about Dumsfeld's travel to Iraq. Rumsfeld previously had been suspended pending investigation for fraud but these new charges include lying and that prompted the immediate demotion.
