Bush Asks America to Read Intelligence Report
Bush Can’t Read
Admitting that he can not read, President Bush released the national intelligence report (NIE) and asked all Americans to read it and report back to him. According to Whitehouse spokesperson Tawny Snow, a former Fox newscaster, Bush has never been able to read. Instead, he relies on those around him to read key documents and give him a capsule summary.Didn’t Read Bin Forgotten Report
For example, Bush was unable to read the intelligence report warning of pending attacks using airplanes by Osama Bin Forgotten prior to 9/11 according to Snow. He has been unable to read reports by the Central Intelligence Agency (CIA), the National Spy Agency (NSA) and the phones companies who have not been spying on Americans.
“He’s had problems since he was a child,” said his mother Barbara Bush. “We used to tutor him but it didn’t help. That’s why George (former President George W. Bush the first) and I were stunned when he was elected President. We thought surely folks would catch on to his stupidity. But I guess the Republican Party apparatik was able to foist him upon the unsuspecting public,” she added.
Problems with “Y”
Laura Bush confirmed his mental defect. “I’ve been working with him for six years now. I am trying to get him to read ‘Why Me?’ and ‘The History of America’ but I’ve been unsuccessful. He has a problem with the letter ‘Y’. He just can’t get it. I’d swear he more retarded than any of my students. It is embarrassing as a librarian to have a stupid husband,” she elaborated. “I honestly think this is why he makes such perplexing decisions and can’t speak in public. That Iran Iraq mix up was ridiculous. Invading the wrong country. I mean how stupid can you get?” she added.
Bush Security Risk
The NSA and CIA now have Bush on a watch list according to Snow. He is considered a security risk given some of the decisions he has made while in office. Apparently yesterday he confused Musharraf with Karzai. According to Snow, Bush was unable to tell the two countries and their respective leaders apart.
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Blames Republicans for World's Woes
The Office of the Inspector General immediately demoted Ronald Dumsfeld to Director of the Office of Disinformation in the Pentagon following recent revelations about Dumsfeld's travel to Iraq. Rumsfeld previously had been suspended pending investigation for fraud but these new charges include lying and that prompted the immediate demotion.
President Bush today acknowleged the tragic events of 9/11 with an extended moment of silence. Speaking at a grammar school in Florida, Bush stopped and almost appeared paralyzed when he was told of the events. Shortly thereafter he excused himself and was wisked off to another undisclosed blue state aboard Air Force One for another campaign stop.
