President Bush today announced plans to deal with global warming. Speaking in the Rose Garden in a driving rain storm, the President reflected on its tropical nature. "Well, I mean. Let me tell you something. Helen, Helen, let me speak will yah? I'll give you time in a minute. Yah see, these tearists are out to kill us. These folks don't like us and they want to kill us and anybody who doesn't think we should defend ourselves is just like the NotZs. That's why we have weather like this."
    "Now I want to do something about global warming. I want to do something about global warming but it's not easy. That's why I asked Dick [Cheney] to look at it. And his experts said there's little we can do except cause winter.
    Yah see, if we can make winter with nucular explosions it will neutralize the global warming. You know you got the warming and the winter and they will cancel them out. Dick [Cheney] said it's like your face and buck shot. And he says we can use the nucular weapons against the tearists."  
    "So that's why I believe in global warming. I've had a change of idears. Yah see, we can use it against the tearists. I want to thank Dick [Cheney] and his group for coming up with this idear. I'm sure Congress will see the logic and pass the bill I sent them today right away. 

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Pluto Voted Out as Planet
Members of the International Astronomical Union voted nearly unanimously yesterday to demote Pluto to "dwarf planet" status, a new category that also includes the large asteroid Ceres and the recently discovered Kuiper Belt object UB313.

There's More. Click here. "Pluto Voted Out, Dumbo Remains" »

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