NSA Wiretaps Yield Gibberish
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General Hayden, after speaking at his Senate confirmation hearings today, revealed for the first time, exclusively to FOXX, that the massive NSA wiretap and listening program on Americans is largely a failure. Hayden said the program, designed to watch all telephone and internet traffic has proved problematic when it comes to languages.
Blockbuster Testimony
In testimony before the Senate Hayden acknowledged that the program developed while he was at the NSA can not distinguish between spanish and the english spoken in some parts of the United States. "Quite frankly, when we're listening in on conversations from some parts of the South we can't tell what the hell they're saying. It could be Greek for all we know. We've also got problems with 'spanglish', mexican, eubonics, and what I call 'American'. Hell we tapped Bush's phone and the computer thought he was speaking nonsense that's how bad it is," he added.
Whitehouse Denies Nonsense
Presidential spokesperson and former Foxx News anchorman Tawny Snow immediately dismissed the idea that the President speaks nonsense. "We have a clear plan for America; one that will keep us strong and protect us from tearists," he said reading from a prepared statement. When asked if he knew what General Hayden might be referring to Snow said he had no idea. "People go around here speaking nonsense all the time. We just ignore it."
Part of the Border Plan
The interchange came in the hearings on the security of the US Mexico border. The Whitehouse had asked the NSA for ideas on how to round up the estimated 12 million illegal aliens in the US for deportation back to Mexico. Officials at the NSA had proposed using cell phone traffic to identify all those speaking spanish. However, it became impossible to tell those speaking various forms of spanish from daily conversational "english" as spoken in the South.
"Southerners should be made to go back to school and learn real english or 'American' as our President says. Otherwise we're never going to be able to track them. It's ridiculous what they're speaking," said General Hayden. Continuing, he noted that "they'll get deported right along side the illegal aliens unless they start speaking english."
Whitehouse Confirms Listening in on Aliens
"We listen in on aliens all the time but we have no plans to deport ordinary law abiding citizens," Snow said. "We would never do that. Conservate Christians in the South and rich people are not aliens. They're our base." The Whitehouse tried to distance itself from the off the cuff remarks of their nominee General Hayden.
According to administration officials the listening program referred to by General Hayden was supposed to be top secret. The President was going to leak information about it to Scooter Liddy until he was informed that he was already under indictment for a separate leak. According to a high official in the administration they are having trouble getting "their message" out even when it is a leak. The official said that "no one's interested in our leaks. Its old news by the time we leak it. They've already read it in the New York Times," the source said.
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