Loud Thoughts Heard in Capitol
Business as usual in the nation's capitol came to a screeching halt when loud thoughts were heard in the Raeburn Senate office building. Initial reports were unclear as to the origin of the loud thoughts. Some thought they heard them on level three of the underground parking garage while others thought they heard them coming from the Intelligence Committee hearing room where a meeting was in session.
Witnesses said the loud thoughts sounded like gunfire. "It was like a loud bang. You know, like a 'drive by' or something," said Loquisha James. "I just gots myself outta there," she added.
Capitol police immediately sealed off the Raeburn Building along with the Capitol. Later, after holding a news conference, they re-opened the Capitol. "We've re-opened the Capitol Building. There weren't any thoughts there. It is safe. But we continue to search the Raeburn Building," said Police Chief Sharon Stephens. "Since 9/11, we take any report of loud thoughts very seriously. We have a protocol we put into effect immediately. We investigate all reports," she excitedly added.
An anonymous individual apparently phoned in the call earlier this morning. The Capitol Police responded with an overwhelming reponse including over 100 officers, 4 ambulances, bomb sniffing dogs, and SWAT teams. Many Senators remained locked in their offices for hours as police searched the building.
"My God. I can't believe this is happening again. When is this going to stop? Police are going around with automatic weapons drawn, using secret passwords passed by email and dogs all just because someone heard a few thoughts ring out in a parking garage," said a frustrated Senate staffer. "We're not the Whitehouse. We have loud thoughts ring out here all the time. Just go in the Senate Intelligence Committee hearing. You'll hear all kinds."
The apparent attack came just a day after the Bush adminstration acknowledged that they lacked intelligence regarding the plight of the starving children of Biafra. "I can see how the Capitol Police might be a little skittish about these things," said Presidential spokesperson Tawny Snow. "We don't hear those kinds of things very often in the Whitehouse."
The administration has recommended funding for high tech devices that can detect, locate and neutralize loud thoughts when they ring out and scare passersby. DARPA has an initiative in this area that is planned to be deployed later this year. The Whitehouse is targeted as the first site. "We needed a site with a low background of thoughts so that we can optimize the detection. The Whitehouse is the ideal location from that standpoint," said Retired Col. Henry speaking on behalf of DARPA.
FOXX News plans a special this evening on the events of today in the Capitol. It will be hosted by "The Beltway Boys" at 9PM.
Update
Late this afternoon, Capitol Police announced that the source of the disturbance was not thoughts but rather a group of workman performing work on an elevator. The Raeburn Building was re-opened and Senators were allowed to return to business as usual. Most went home.
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